Complicated
by IaMsOo
Summary: Ashley discovers that she is gay on the hard way, falling in love with her best friend, Spencer, who happens to be straight.
1. Chapter 1 The Gossip

Disclaimer: I do not own south of nowhere// Please read and review, thank you!!!

Chapter One

The Gossip

It all started that summer. Ashley was seventeen, and she wasn't like the rest of the girls she knew. She was on vacation with her family, formed by her parents, her younger brother and two puddles, annoying but cute.

Ashley wasn't just like any other teenager because she hadn't got a social life. She had been on the same class for a year now, and she hadn´t got not even one friend from there. She even had a couple of enemies. Ashley had got used to sit alone and separated, and somehow she handled things not to talk to anyone in the whole morning. On the recess, she always run to her friends class room, Spencer, Bella, Lana and Juliet, who studied science. Ashley was on economics, and that's why they were in different classrooms.

Ashley never drink nor smoke; she didn't even dance or went to parties. She was what people usually call a very boring person. Apart from that, she studied hard and hated sports. Of course, she hadn't had a boyfriend. Well, she hasn't even go out with anyone.

Ashley was in love with Nate, her classmate on guitar lessons. But anyway, what she felt for him wasn't real; she just was getting use to her friend's jokes about him. He studied on the same school, but was a year elder tan Ashley. She didn't even like him. Well, maybe at first, but not anymore.

When Ashley and her family came back from their vacations, she got together to talk with Bella. Bella had something really important to say. She had heard from one of Spencer's cousins that Spence had been with Aiden. Aiden was kind of Spencer's boyfriend, back in Ohio, where Spence had part of her family and some friends.

Even thought Bella was telling this to Ashley because she was worried about Spence, and because she wanted to gossip a bit, Ashley didn't just took it on that way. She felt really bad. The worst part was that Ashley wasn't sure of why she was felling like that. She thought that it was because Spencer hadn't told her anything and there was a lack of trust there. But… Was it just that, or there was something else going on? Was it normal to feel like your hearth hurt because your best friend had been with someone?

//The next chapter coming soon. Please review and correct me!


	2. Chapter 2 The Return

Disclaimer: I do not own south of nowhere// Please read and review, thank you!!!

Chapter Two

The Return

Maybe it was just a gossip.

That was the only thought which helped Ashley to sleep that night. She couldn't really be sure of why she was so worried about her friend Spence, but she felt like something was broken inside. She was used to think a lot about everything, being the kind of reflexive person she was. She even got worried very easily some times, but still not like this.

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Some days later, Ashley was slowly walking down the street, going back home from the center, a place where she rarely went, only when she needed to buy something. She was doing her best not to think that Spence was supposed to arrive home from her vacation on that day.

Ashley took her phone out of her pocket to see what time was it, and then putted it back where it was, a bit disappointed. Was she only wondering about the hour, or again, there was something else? Unconsciously she was hoping to find a lost phone call?

After walking two blocks more, her phone started ringing. She took it out again, and looked in the little screen. It was a message from Spencer. "I'm back. U want to go to the park?" That was all.

Ashley quickly answered: "Yea, I'll message the rest of us, and pick you up". She started to walk more quick, while she sent messages to Bella, Lana and Juliet. A moment later, she was standing in front of Spencer's front door. She took a deep breath and then knocked with a shake in her hand. Why she had blushed?


	3. Chapter 3 Meeting

Disclaimer: I do not own south of nowhere// Please read & review, thank you!!!

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Three

Meeting

Ashley looked at the opposite street to try to calm down, while she waited for Spencer to open the door. She heard a "shhh…", and she turned to the door again, to stand face to face with Spence. Ashley couldn't help to hug her automatically. She also couldn't help to start saying out loud what she was thinking… - ¡¡¡Spence, you are so… - Ashley understood that she was about to say beautiful, and after a moment of silence, quickly added - …much taller than before!!!.

_Well, way to go… That had sounded definitely stupid. Taller? Spencer was actually taller, what was logical after three months without seeing her. Beautiful? She wasn't the kind of girl that every guy likes, but still… she had always been cute on her own way. _

Ashley got even more blushed, if possible, because the hug had been too long, and she knew Spence wasn't very affective, so it might get her uncomfortable. They look at each other for a sec, smiling, and then Ashley asked to Spence if she was ready to go. Spence went inside to pick up her coffee flask.

When they were outside, Ashley asked, after coughing like a hundred of times – Well, and so? How where your vacations Spence?.

Fine. - Was the only word that came out from Spencer's mouth.

Hey, come on!! You'd been in Ohio for three months now; you had to have something to say about it. – Ashley complained.

Well, certainly it's been a while. - responded Spencer

Ashley looked at her, saying with her eyes: really? That's all?

What do you want me to say?- continued the blonde.

_You know exactly what. I want to know what happened with him._

But by the time, they were already at the park, standing next to Juliet and Lana, so Ashley didn't said anything else.

/// Please!!!! Review!!!!


	4. Chapter 4 The Real Story

Disclaimer: I do not own south of nowhere// Please read & Review!!!// Thank you!!!

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

**Chapter Four**

**The Real Story  
**

A moment later, Bella arrived. Instead of welcoming Spencer, she just said hello as always, and sat down on the circle, looking irritated. After a while, things go back to normally, and the girls were all speaking at the same time, about all kind of silly things. They drank coffee, talked and play volleyball the whole afternoon.

When the day was coming to an end, everyone went home. Lana and Juliet took cabs to go to theirs, but Ashley, Spencer and Bella, started walking together, slowly. It was kind of obvious that something was wrong with Bella, because she had been in silence since they had left the park.

After a moment, she finally explained herself. She was upset with Spencer because, as her best friend, she was supposed to know all about whatever had happened with Aiden.

_Oh, yeah, sure… cauze I'm not her best friend and I weren't supposed to know, hu? You think you are the center of the world here, Bella? Do you feel what I'm feeling for Spencer right now?... O shit… what the hell am I feeling for her?_

At this point, Spencer started to tell the story. Well, she had been hanging out with Aiden (_that's not easy to imagine_) and they ended up kissing. It has been just a kiss. (_Just a kiss!!!_)…

Spencer's explanation and Ashley's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a "That's disgusting, bye" that Bella said, while she turned round and ran away, to get in the car that her father was driving.

The situation was a bad mixture of funny, stupid and sad. Spencer started to complain about it, wondering why Bella was so interested in what had happened, if she was going to act like that. Then, Ashley let her know that it was because they have been afraid about the whole thing, and until right then, they weren't sure of what had actually happened.

Spencer understood that the girls had been worried about her, and explained the story again to Ashley.

_Thanks God this street is so dark… I'm so blushed. It's ok, it was just a kiss, nothing happened. And besides, she is fine. That's all what matters. _

When they got to Spencer's front door, Spencer passed the hedge and look at Ashley, who was still on the sidewalk. For the second time on the same day, Ashley approached and hugged Spencer. She couldn't help it… again. After a couple of seconds that felt like a year, Spencer said "Come on Ash, my brother will kick your ask", and she laugh.

_Was that a gay joke, or what? _

Ashley started slowly to walk away. "Hey, Ash…" – Spencer said, and Ashley felt her heart beat even more quickly. – "How is everything going with Nate?"

_Which Nate?... Oh, yeah, the one I'm in love with…_ - "Huu… fine. Haven't seen him since classes ended." – answered, with no enthusiasm in her voice.

"Ok, Ash. You better don't hug him welcome like you did to me, next time you see him" - and she laugh again.

_Don't worry, I couldn't. - "_Bye, Spence, goodnight"

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And that night, as Ashley tried to sleep, she thought: _just a kiss… it was her first kiss… and that guy, who I don't know, probably didn't deserve it… he probably doesn't know how amazing she is..._

Suddenly, tears started falling from Ashley's eyes.


	5. Chapter 5 The Gift

I do not own South of Nowhere///Read & Review!!! Thanks!!!

_/// Italics are Ashley's thoughts///_

Chapter Five

The Gift

The next morning, Ashley woke up feeling better, and while she was having a shower, she figure out that what had happened the day before was probably just because of the mix of emotions of that afternoon. Probably just because she was tired. _It's not that I'm feeling something for Spence. That is so not happening._

Next week was Spencer's birthday. Somehow, Ashley remembered it, even when she wasn't used to remember that kind of things. She had thought about it when she was on vacations on the north, and she had bought a present over there already.

It was just a necklace with a tree on it.

On that day, Ashley called Spencer to tell her "happy birthday", but they didn't get together. Spencer probably wanted to spend the day with her family.

The next day, girls were going to the park. Ashley went to Spencer's to walk with here to the place they were all supposed to meet. At some point, Ashley was waiting for the moment they were alone, to give the present to Spencer. But, when that happened, she felt she was getting blushed, and so she decided to let it for another moment, don't saying anything about the thing.

The following days, Ashley tried every day to get the courage she needed to handle the present without blushing, but she just couldn't. She finally decided not to give it to Spencer.

One night, the girls were going to go to Juliet's house, which was pretty far away from everybody's. Ashley's father was taking her there by car. When she was getting ready to go, Spencer called, asking if she could go to Ashley's, so that Ashley's father took the two of them.

When Spencer arrived at Ashley's, they had to wait for the father to get ready to go. Meanwhile, Ashley finally put herself together and gave her present to Spencer.

Spencer smiled and thanked. She gave it back to Ashley, who just stood there, wondering why the hell she wasn't taking it.

"Could you put it on me? I've always had a problem to put these things on" – Spencer said, smiling.

So that was why she was giving it back. Ashley placed herself behind Spencer and put Spencer's hair on her shoulder to be able to put her the necklace on. _Oh, my god, your hair smells just like a piece of heaven._ "Have you got any perfume on, or something like it?" – She asked.

"Hum… no, I guess it could be the shampoo" – was the whispered answer from Spencer.

Ashley closed the necklace and look over Spencer's shoulder to a big mirror. It looked beautiful on her. _We look like a really cute couple standing like this._ The two of them were blushed. When Ashley's father came down the stairs and the little moment was interrupted, Ashley noticed that she had been holding her breath for the last minute. _Wish I could smell your hair forever. What the…? What's wrong with me? _


	6. Chapter 6 Sleepover

I do not own South of Nowhere///Read & Review!!! Thanks!!!

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Six

Sleepover

Hanging out together was a way of killing time in summer vacations, and sometimes it ended up on sleepovers in the house of one of the friends. Mostly in Juliet's, Lana's or Ashley's.

One day, while being on Ashley's, someone started with the gay jokes again. That day Juliet wasn't there, and so, when the girls invented the matches, Ashley and Spencer ended up together. Obviously, it was a joke, but anyway…

When they got on the sleeping bags, Ashley somehow was next to Spencer. They all saw some movies together, and then started to fall sleep. In one point, Ashley looked at Spencer, completely slept under a pile of blankets. She looked so sweet, her face kind of red, her mouth a bit opened, her hair a mess. A very cute mess. Ashley tried really hard not to do any stupid thing, she tried to remember that the girl lying down next to her wasn't just incredibly beautiful and an amazing person, but she was also her best friend, and she had to manage herself to treat her like she deserved to be treated.

But Ashley wasn't strong enough, and she was confused and sleepy. At some point, she took Spencer's hand, without waking her up, and then fall deeply sleep too.

At the following morning, after all the girls had woken up, Spencer remembered. "Hey" she said while having a cookie. Everybody looked at her. She made a gesture with her hand, and Bella approached to listen to whatever she had to say. Meanwhile, Lana was still sleeping, and Juliet was having a coffee with Ashley, who was way out of her nerve, knowing as she did that Spencer was staring at her while she spoke.

_Oh shit, did she realize that I held her hand half of the night? Fuck. Fuck!! What the hell am I gonna tell her know? _

As Ashley started to freak out, Spencer stopped talking to Bella, who had a weird expression on her face, and turn the TV on.

The afternoon went by as usual, and by five they were all gone, except for Spencer. She and Ashley went upstairs to Ashley's room, and started playing games on the computer or just surfing the internet without paying that much attention on what they were doing.

At one point, while Spencer was sitting on the computer chair, Ashley took a comb from her desk, stood behind Spence, and started to comb her hair.

_Your hair smells just so good…_ Spencer stopped doing whatever she was doing on the computer to turn around and face Ashley. "What are you doing?" – she asked with a normal tone on her voice.

"Uhhm… nothing, I'm just… I'm…" – Ashley started, hesitating. Spencer held her look for a moment, making Ashley blush.

Ashley recovered control and put the comb back on the desk, without saying a word. Spencer was already with her eyes on the screen again.

"You held my hand last night, as we slept" - Spencer stated.

"I didn't" – Ashley hated to lie, she really hated it, but she didn't have another option.

_I thought she had forgotten about it, I thought she may had not notice it. Shit… I'm really fucked up now. _

"You did. I wake up, and I tried to get my wrist free from your hand, but it was difficult, because your hand was very tight. You were almost hurting me." – Spencer continued.

"Sorry, I didn't meant to" – Ashley said, without really notice what she was saying.

"So, you did hold my hand, and you know it". – Spencer confirmed.

"I believe you, but I don't remember it, I guess I must have been slept. Sorry. I didn't do it on propose." – Ashley knew that with those words, with that lie, she will probably had problems to sleep for the next weeks, or even months._ How can I lie to her? She is the only person that always tells me the truth, that trust me, that I know I can trust, Why am I doing this to her? Fuck.. As long as she doesn't ask why did I do it…_

They stayed on the computer for a while, and then Spencer left. After closing the door for her, Ashley rested her head on the front door.

_How could I done something like that? Am I crazy or what? Seriously, I couldn't stand to lose her for good, so I better start to control myself. She is the best thing on my life… _

///Well, sorry, it was quite longer than usual, I hope you can take the time to read it.


	7. Chapter 7 Through text messages?

I do not own South of Nowhere///Read & Review!!!

Thanks for the reviews!!!

And Thank you, coachkimm for the corrections!!!

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Seven

Relationship through text messages

The days went by quickly between the park and the sleepovers, and a month later, classes were starting again.

Things weren't easy for Ashley, because she had to face her classmates again. What is more, she is so quiet in her classes, that during recess she felt like screaming and exploding, but she couldn't because she had to control herself all the time she was around Spencer, not to do anything stupid.

Going to school was always a challenge for her; it was not easy to see everybody at once, all at the same time, on the same place. It demanded a lot of energy to be calm and quiet, to not pay attention to anybody, to… be a ghost. Disappear.

The worst thing in the world was when she had to do work in groups. With her friends in the other classrooms, it was awful. She had to do all the work for a bunch of idiots that where to occupied with gossiping about her.

Anyway, Ashley was able to handle all of it, because she lived with the idea of meeting her friends every Friday afternoon, whether it was to have lunch together, go to the park or watch some TV.

One day, after watching some episodes of Lost at Bella's house, Spencer and Ashley started to walk out together. Spencer was going home, and Ashley had to go to her guitar lessons.

Actually, Ashley was already late for the lesson, but she liked to hang out with Spencer so much that she would walk even slower. She loved to talk with her, but it was cool in silence too.

_She is just perfect…_

Even when Ashley didn't want to know, she felt curious about Spencer long-distance relationship with Aiden. So after coughing and saying "hum..." like a hundred of times, she finally asked.

"Spence?"

"What?" - Spencer waited for a bit before asking.

"Well… I was wondering… How are things going with Aiden? You know, I'm guessing it's not easy to… you know…"

Spencer had that confused face on. – "I… actually don't. Would you make a complete sentence for me, please?" – She said, smiling.

_I would do anything for you._

"Yeah, I mean, it has to be difficult to be with somebody that's not around." –Ashley tried to explain.

"It's… ok" – was always, the one line answer that Spencer gave to Ashley.

"Oh, come on… That's all you're going to telling me? Even you can do better than that!!!"

Spencer laughed – "Ok. It's really fine. We text each other when we have credits. He even sent me a photo."

"He did…?. And that's… fine? I mean…?" – _I mean you're having a freaking relationship through text messages??? And you're fine with that???... Its that… you deserve so much more than that._

"Well, yeah, it's fine. But enough about me. What about you and your guitarist crash?"

The question caught Ashley off guard. – "Humm… what about us? – Was the silly answer.

"Is everything ok between the two of you? I noticed that he doesn't look for you anymore during the recess. He used to go after you to say hey."

_Oh, shit, she really noticed the difference. It's not that he changed and stopped being nice to me, it's that I'm being so cold to him, that he doesn't show up anymore._

"It's fine, you know? I mean, it's not like he was my boyfriend or anything. I liked him, but that's all."

"I know, but it's not fair. He flirted with you, and now he just goes away. He is a fool for doing that to you"

"Thanks for understanding this" – _Actually, it was me flirting with him a year ago, and me just being cold with him now, cause I've absolutely lost my mind for you. But I guess I shouldn't tell you that._

By this time, they had reached the street where they had to go different directions.

"See you Ash"

As Spencer started walking again in the opposite direction, Ashley automatically took her by her wrist, and made her turn to face each other. With her free hand, Ashley grabbed Spencer's face, and kissed her softly on the cheek. Then, she was off.

That day she couldn't hit a single note on her guitar. She didn't even notice that Nate was staring at her. She wouldn't have cared anyway.


	8. Chapter 8 Blue Balloon

I do not own South of Nowhere///Please Review, that keeps me going!!!

Thanks to all reviews, and to coachkimm for the corrections!!!

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Eight

Blue Balloon

One Saturday afternoon the girls were supposed to meet at Lana's, and as usual, Spencer and Ashley got together earlier to walk there.

Walking to places was the only moments when they were actually alone, because the rest of the time, Bella was with them.

Bella was Spencer's best friend, and vice versa. Ashley was all good with that, because she had always been friends with Bella, and then she had meet Spencer almost through her. Even when they were at the same school, they hadn't paid attention to each other until they had to spend time together to be with Bella.

That's the reason why Ashley wasn't jealous of their friendship.

Anyhow, when she was walking by Spencer through the streets, she couldn't help thinking how things would be if she had met Spencer before Bella.

_Maybe I'd be her best friend, and we could spend more time together. I know Bella isn't here right now because she hates walking so much that she wouldn't walk a block even if her life depended on it. But every time I ask Spencer to go out with me, she always invites Bella too, and if I told her that I don't want that, I would make the whole thing pretty obvious. _

Ashley's thoughts were interrupted by Spencer.

"We're very late, and it's starting to rain" – she said.

"So…?" – Ashley didn't see the point of the comment.

"We could take the bus. I know you don't usually do that, but…" – she explained.

"Oh, fine, if you know which one to take" – Ashley accepted.

"There's one that will let us off four blocks from Lana's house."

The girls took the bus, and just looked out the windows while listen to their mp3 players until they reached the place where they were supposed to get off.

A few steps after the bus stop, there was a funfair. A little girl was going out of it, in the arms of her father, and holding a blue balloon.

As always happens with little girls, she couldn't hold the balloon, and it went flying down street.

Ashley was surprised when Spencer suddenly started running after the blue balloon. As Ashley stood there frozen, looking on the scene, Spencer chased the balloon all the way down the street until she could reach it and handed it back to the girl, whose father thanked Spencer.

Ashley started laughing to hide her feelings. She was positive that it was either laughing or blushing, and she preferred laughing.

"Ok, do I look THAT stupid to you?" – Spencer asked.

"What?, No! Not at all!" – Ashley regretted laughing right away.

"Yeah, I do, and you were just laughing at me"

"No, I wasn't, sorry"

"Yeah, you were"

"No, it's just that you… I mean…it…well…" – _Oh, gosh…_

"What? Couldn't you just stop stuttering already? Just tell me that I looked stupid and that's all!!!"

"But you don't… you didn't look stupid. You… the whole thing… was cute…. sweet… I mean… - _you were just so absolutely cute and sweet that I could die right here, and that's why I'm so in love with you… Gosh!! I'm in love with her!!!! _– "I mean, I don't know anyone else who would do something like that."

Ashley was insanely blushed. Her cheeks were as red as her jacket.

Just as Ashley started saying something important to Spencer, they were already arriving at their destiny. The girls remain silenced while Lana opened the front door for them.


	9. Chapter 9 Thoughts

I do not own South of Nowhere/// Thanks for the reviews, and thanks to coachkimm for the corrections!!!

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Nine

Thoughts

The afternoon at Lana's went by as usual, playing some board games and chatting. It also included watching more Lost, which wasn't Ashley's favorite show at all, but she never complained because she knew everyone else liked it, and mostly because she got to play dumb and fall asleep in the middle of an episode, and then ask Spencer what had happened. Spencer was always able to summarize the whole episode in five minutes without losing any details.

And of course, Ashley just loved to hear her talk, whether it was about Lost, the weather or history. As Spencer wasn't really a talkative girl, Ashley used that trick of "What did I miss?" over and over again.

After having dinner and watching some more TV, the five girls headed to bed.

An hour later, Ashley finally understood that she wasn't going to get any rest that night. She could only look at the sleeping Spencer and think about her.

_Thought I've never like Edward Cullen for abandoning Bella and making that awful hole on her chest, I think I'm exactly like him. I mean, I have to stay away from Spencer in order not to hurt her. Well, it's definitely not the same, though, because I would never drink her blood… but anyway, I would hurt her if after all this times she has trusted me, I suddenly tell her that I' m interested in her in a different way._

_Great! I'm like the asshole of Edward, just that I'm not as cute as he is, and the Bella of my story is not in love with me._

_If I could just give her a flower… or hug her just because, without having to find an excuse to do it. If I could walk with her holding hands…_

Ashley remembered that silly Hanna Montana song "If we were a movie, you'd be the right girl, and I'd be the best friend, that you'd fall in love with…"

_Oh, God, what a crappy song!! Anyway, it fits my situation right now. But I guess we are not in a movie with a happy ending. _

_What would happen if there were any chance for her to like me back?_

_We could be so happy… I'd stay in love with her forever, being faithful, living for her every day of my life. I would always remind her how beautiful she is, and that she is the sweetest person in the world. _

_Someday I would ask her to marry me. I would take care of her. We could have a little house in the woods, far away from everyone and everything; just the two of us._

_And maybe… Oh God!!!_ – Ashley felt pain running through her body. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like someone had taken away all the air from the room. – _I would never be able to give her a child! _– She realized.

_Spence would be the most perfect mother in the whole world and I won't be able to…_

Ashley started crying without making any sound, in the darkness of the cold room. Her pain was deeper than if Spencer would have turned her down, because she knew she would never be good enough for the one she loved, no matter how hard she tried. The only thing she could do was always being there for her, no matter what. Try to take care of her the only way she was able to; as her friend.

Right next to her, Spencer was shivering in her sleeping bag. Ashley, who through all her thoughts hasn't stopped staring at Spencer, noticed the shiver right away.

She stood up, went to pick up a blanket from a pile on the corner of Lana's room, and then carefully placed it over Spencer, trying not to wake her up.

Finally, Ashley went back to her own sleeping bag, took her mp3 from her pocket, plugged the headphones in and listened to some old sad songs, while the tears ran down her cheeks. Slowly, she started to fall asleep, thinking of the angel lying next to her.

**///Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10 Valentine's Day

**/// Thanks for all the reviews, and thanks to coachkimm for the corrections!!! /// I agree… poor Ashley.**

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Ten

Valentine's Day

Ashley was a mess. Every day and every night, she kept reminding herself that she wasn't enough for Spencer, and that she should stop thinking about her in that way.

But no matter how hard she tried, she wasn't able to keep the girl out of her mind.

She couldn't really focus on her classes, so she had to study harder from the books.

Sometimes she tried to drown her feelings by listening to music, and thought it could work, there were times when the emotions were stronger with the music than without it.

Some days Ashley would get through almost fine, almost not thinking about her friend. But then those days were followed by nights full of dreams that included long walks with Spencer, holding hands and smiling. Those dreams could turn into nightmares the moment she kissed Spencer, and suddenly waking up feeling guilty and confused.

Ashley wanted to talk about all the things she was feeling, but she couldn't. She didn't want to tell her parents because she was afraid that they may get angry with Spencer, and she wasn't going to talk to any friend, because they were also Spencer's friends, and they may tell her everything. So Ashley just kept the problem to herself as best as she could.

One week followed the other and nothing really changed.

On A Saturday afternoon at Ashley's, she walked out of her room and went to the kitchen to look for some coffee and cookies.

When the brunette opened the door of her room again, all of her friends suddenly shut up.

"What?" – She asked with a hesitating half smile on her face.

_Oh, God this is like primary school, it feels like they were just gossiping about me!_

Ashley put the flask of coffee on the floor because she was burning her hands and then she stared at her friends.

"Come on, what's up?" – She asked again.

Bella laughed nervously, Spencer looked to the floor, Lana looked at Juliet, and Juliet finally said it.

"What the hell happened to your walls?"

Ashley was confused. She stared at the walls, still in the center of the room, holding the cookies on her hands.

"Humm… what's wrong with them?"

"You changed your posters. They are all girls" – Juliet stated.

_Fuck._

Ashley blushed and she looked stupid just standing there. The whole moment was very awkward.

_Crap. Is it that obvious? I'm so fucked up… now what?_

"Well…" – She started saying, but she just didn't know what else to say. – I just…"

_Oh God!!!_

"She gave them to her cousin" – Spencer interrupted. They all looked at her.

"What?" – Ashley asked.

Spencer looked straight at the brunette's eyes before answering. – "You told me that you have given all of your posters to your cousin… remember?"

"I…" – _What is she doing? Whatever it is, I have to take the chance and play along with it._ – "I did, yeah, I gave my cousin all of the posters with guys on them because she broke up with her boyfriend and I thought it would make her feel better."

"But why did you put girl's posters up?"- Juliet wasn't going to just buy it.

"Because my wall was boring and empty, and I had those posters from old magazines" – Ashley laughed hysterically – "So, are we having some coffee, or what?"

They all just dropped that conversation there, and started chatting about school and everything. Ashley was pretty distracted though.

_What did she do? Was she defending me or something? Does she know the actual reason why my posters having women on them?_

"Earth calling Ashley…" – Bella said. They were all looking at the brunette again.

"Oh, sorry, what?" – She answered.

"We were just talking about guys, as Valentine's Day is coming" – Bella explained. – "We were saying… if you had a boyfriend… what would be the perfect gift that he could give you on Valentine's Day?"

_Oh God, you've got to be kidding me._

"Well… and what did you guys answer?" – Ashley said.

"You weren't paying any attention at all, were you Ashley?"

"Sorry"

"Ok, whatever. Lana said she would like a plushy, I said chocolates and the rest of us didn't answer yet because it's your turn."

"Fine. I think I wouldn't expect any present. I would like to plan a whole day doing… - She couldn't really say "her" – "this person's favorite's things"

Juliet laughed in disbelief. – "Yeah, sure."

"Whatever, you guys asked; I wasn't going to say anything. And besides, why would I lie about something like that?"

"Ok, whatever" – If Ashley said yes, Juliet would say no; If Ashley said white, Juliet would say black. She would never just stop; she had to have the last word.

By then, girls were listening to a new song on the radio and they had forgotten the theme of the conversation.

Ashley noticed that Spencer had run out of coffee, and asked if she wanted more. Spencer nodded, but the flask was empty, so the brunette took her friend's cup and went to the kitchen. Spencer followed her, while the rest of the girls stayed on the bedroom.

Resting her back on the kitchen's door, and not facing Ashley, Spencer softly said – If I were with somebody on Valentine's Day… the best thing that a person could do for me would be to spend the day together." – And then the girl walked away to where the others were, leaving Ashley breathless.

**///Please keep reviewing, whatever you think, I wanna know.**


	11. Chapter 11 Double Meaning

**/// Thank you guys for all the reviews, I loved them, and thanks to coachkimm for the corrections!!! **

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Eleven

Double Meaning

The week that followed that Saturday, Ashley tried her best to avoid Spencer.  
Why would she do such a stupid thing? Because as always, Ashley thought a lot about everything. She thought too much, and at some point, she reached a "logical" conclusion.

_Spencer said those things about what she would do on Valentine's Day just to cheer me up because that's what she does every time I have a fight with Juliet. And I'm such a loser, that I actually saw it as some kind of sweet flirting. Man! I'm just an idiot!_

That was Ashley's "logical" conclusion. And to punish herself, she decided to come up with excuses to avoid Spencer. Not see her favorite girl not only drove her crazy, but it also made her feel in pain. On recess, Ashley either "had to" go to the bathroom, or she "had to" finish math exercises (that actually were required for the following month).

But on Thursdays they were together in physical education classes and there was no way to avoid that without making the reason too obvious. Bella was in another class, and Juliet and Lana hadn't arrived yet. Spencer was sitting on the bench, waiting for the class to start.

_I can't just ignore her, because it's not her fault the fact that I'm absolutely crazy. _– So she went to have a seat next to her friend.  
Luckily for Ashley, Juliet and Lana arrived together before she had to start a conversation.

"Son of a…" – Lana said.  
"I just found out! They shouldn't be allowed to do that!" – completed Juliet.  
"Who shouldn't be allowed to do what? What are you guys talking about?" – Ashley asked.  
"We are having a freaking surprise test!!!"  
"Yeah, we have to run like ten blocks to pass"  
"Oh, come on! – Ashley complained, glad to have an excuse to freak out and scream a bit. – "I'm just going to tell the teacher that I'm feeling sick or something…"  
"Why?" – Spencer asked, almost in a whisper, almost like she was making the question to herself.  
"Why what Spence?" – Ashley was the only one who noticed that her friend had said something.  
"Why would you say something like that? Do you actually think that you're not good enough? Or are you just so afraid, that you won't even try?"

Ashley stood there, looking at Spencer, who seemed distant and hurt.  
_Is she talking about running ten blocks, or about the two of us?_  
The bell rang before Ashley had the chance to say something, and the coach called the girls to the start line.  
The first couple of blocks, they were all running almost at the same speed, but then differences appeared. While Juliet was definitely at the end, Lana was a block forward and Ashley and Spencer were on the top.

When Spencer approached Ashley to pass her, Ashley asked between pant – "Would you… wait… for me… at the end?"  
Spencer, speaking almost as she weren't doing any effort at all, responded. – "I'll always wait for you at the end." - And looking at Ashley right in the eyes, she said – "No matter how long it takes."

Then she ran faster, until she wasn't in Ashley's sight any more. That eye contact, that line with a double meaning that only they could understand, made Ashley lose her breath and her mind.

_What did she actually mean? Am I going crazy or what?_ – Ashley kept on running until the finish line, where Spencer was, in fact, waiting for her.  
"Do we walk home?" – Spencer asked.  
"Yeah, sure. I've got to stop at the supermarket to buy something for dinner, if it's ok with you"  
"Ok."

The girls walked very slowly, without saying anything but in a silence that wasn't awkward either.  
"Spence…?" – Ashley started, half way to the supermarket. Spencer remained silent, knowing that Ashley would keep going when she felt ready. – "It… it may take a long while…"

"It's ok. I told you that I'll wait for you as long as it takes. I'll be right here" – They were at the supermarket's front door.  
"Spence… I wasn't talking about the supermarket…" – Said Ashley with a shake in her voice. – "I was talking about…"  
"I know" – interrupted Spencer. – "I wasn't talking about it, either." – She whispered.

Ashley opened the market doors for Spencer, who walked in looking at the brunette's eyes. As Ashley followed Spencer, the brunette couldn't help but smile a bit. She knew she had just blushed.

**///Well, keep reviewing, hope you liked it. :)**


	12. Chapter 12 I would never date

**///****Hey guys, your reviews are so cute!!!, And thanks to coachkimm for the corrections!!! **

/// _Italics are Ashley's thoughts._

Chapter Twelve

"I would never date…"

Ashley kept messing with her thoughts all the time.

_Am I actually gay? I mean, I'm totally in love with Spencer, but does that make me gay? I think it doesn't. Or am I in denial here? Because really, I've never feel something like this for any other girl… well, I haven't feel anything like this for any boy, either._

She stopped with all the complicated thinking when she was arriving to the park. In the middle of the park, there was a group of younger girls playing rugby. It wasn't something that you see every day. The girls had probably took the ball from a brother or boyfriend, and decided to play some to find a way of spending their time doing something different.

Ashley noticed that she had seen them on school before.

_They kindda look hot hitting each other so playfully. Ok, that's all, it's confirmed, I'm so gay._

"Hey Ash" – Ashley had arrived at the place where the girls were supposed to meet, and Lana was sitting there. – "Are you thinking the same as me?"

Ashley looked at her, not knowing what she was talking about. Lana pointed at the girls playing rugby.

_How does she know?_

"I saw you were looking at them while you were walking. Don't you think they look pretty stupid, trying to play a man's sport?"

_Oh, so she doesn't know… They actually look good to me… Definitely gay._

"Ashley? They look stupid, don't they?" – insisted Lana.

"Hell they do" – Juliet arriving.

_Men!_

"Yeah, sure, whatever…" – grumble Ashley to end the conversation.

Then, Bella and Spencer arrived together and sat with the group. Spencer was wearing old jogging pants and a simple black T-shirt. She probably hadn't even brushed her hair after the afternoon's nap, but to Ashley, she looked just perfect. And the brunette was perfectly capable of sniffing Spencer's shampoo smell, even if they weren't so close and the park stank of grass that has just been cut.

The conversation was, as always, about guys, so Ashley wasn't really paying that much attention to it. They were also playing poker and having coffee from a huge flask with paper cups.

At some point, the stupid conversation turned in to an argue about "who would you never date, and why?". Answers were as stupid as the question.

"I would never date… someone too short. – started Lana. – "nor too tall."

"I would never date someone whose work included travelling a lot" – said Bella.

"I would never date someone prettier than me" – Juliet.

"Ok, so you can't date anyone in the whole wide world" – stated Ashley. No one said anything for a sec. – "Cause they're all prettier than her?" – The girls laughed loudly.

"I think" – continued Ashley. – "that I can't answer that question. I mean, I would never say "I'd never date…" because you can fall in love with anybody. You never know" – _for example your best friend, who also happens to be a girl…_ - "but I don't like smokers, though".

They all laughed again at the way Ashley cut the deep answer with a silly thing. None of them knew that she was thinking about Spencer.

Suddenly, a soccer ball hit on the back of Lana's head. A blond tall guy with shorts and no shirt approached to apologize and took the ball. Lana blushed and said "Don't worry, never mind". When the guy ran away, she sat there, looking at his back side.

"Wasn't that one too tall for you, girl?" – Ashley joked, and the girls starting laughing again.

They were entertained by watching the soccer team practice, and eventually forgot the conversation that they were having before. As usual, Spencer hadn't said anything.

"Ash…? Would you pass the coffee flask?" – The blonde asked.

"Sure"

As Ashley was giving Spencer the open flask, Spencer slightly touched the brunette's hand. Ashley couldn't help but drop half of the coffee and burn herself.

"Oh, crap!" – She screamed. Spencer smiled.

When the park started to get cold, and the people around went home, the girls did too.

"Do we walk home?" – Asked Ashley to Spencer.

"Of course" – She answered.

The park was kind of close to Spencer's house, which was also close to Ashley's, so they didn't have much time together, and the brunette knew it.

"Spence…? Who would you never date?" – Ashley asked, doubtfully. She was afraid of hearing her own name on the answer.

"Well… I would never date Aiden again. Remember? My whatever he was, back in Ohio?"

"But I thought you two were still together… through text messages and all that?"

"Yeah… we're not. My cousin from Ohio told me that she saw him kissing some… other girl"

"Son of a…! Honey, are you okay?" – Ashley stopped walking and looked in Spencer's eyes.

"Yeah… I' fine…" – Ashley hugged her.

"I'm so sorry… that fool! He doesn't deserve to be with you Spence!"

"You don't know that. You don't know him."

"I don't know him but it doesn't make any difference. He is an idiot Spence. He is lucky that I don't live in Ohio cause I would kick his fat ass!"

Spencer laughed.

"What?" – asked Ashley, breaking apart the hug.

"You don't know if he had a fat ass… and besides, he would probably beat you up. You're too young to die."

"I could try…" – said Ashley smiling. She put her right arm up and tried to show some muscles… that she didn't have.

"You stop playing a badass Ash, we both know that you couldn't even kill a fly" – laughed Spencer.

"Come on! You mean that? You don't think I'm capable of hitting your ex?"

"One, he is not my ex cause he wasn't even my boyfriend. And two, I don't think you are capable, not because you are not strong enough, but because you are too sweet to beat someone up."

You guess what? Yeah, Ashley had forgotten to breathe for a moment, and yep, she was actually blushing… not even a tiny spot of badass left in her body.

**///****I tried to make the chap a bit longer because shane asked…and also cause I got happy from the reviews :) But anyway, this maybe going to end sometime soon because I'm into writing the whole meeting thing, and not so into the relationship itself. And this two are gonna be in a relationship soon, so… :)**

**Well, I've got an idea**** for another fic kind of different that I started writing on pieces of paper, and that may be a bit easyer for me to write. The thing is, in this one you're reading, there's a lot about me at first, and then… well, let's just say that my real life Spence never showed any interest, so… it's difficult to imagine she did. And writing this can be cool at times, like a dream, and it can hurt at times, when I know it just won't happen like this. So, would you like to read a pilot from a new story? :)**

**Well, all thoughts are welcome! :)**


	13. Chapter 13 Play a song

**///I know that I've already said it, but your reviews are really really cute!!!, And Coachkimm you are the best !!! **

Chapter Thirteen

Play a song.

Going camping was a good idea that the girls came up with. Even when none of them was the kind of person who liked getting dirty and sleeping in the floor, they could all enjoy some time in the woods, taking pictures and everything.

Their equipment consisted on sleeping bags, a tent with capacity for four people (even when they were five, but that was all they could find in their basements), a flashlight, and cards to play poker, and an ice chest with hamburgers and drinks. They also had Ashley's guitar, and a ball to play volleyball.

The day started with a long walk, sightseeing and taking a hundred pictures. The pictures went from the girls posing, to rabbits running between trees, and they were all pretty funny. Then, the group sat on the side of the river to have a snack and sunbathe for a while.

When they had rested enough, someone suggested playing volleyball. The girls sucked at sports, but that was good in this case because they were making fools of themselves and having a lot of fun.

When the sun went down, they decided to make the hamburgers. Let me tell you… the girls weren't good at cooking either. They spent at least an hour trying to make the fire, and then half of the burgers were burnt.

So, the starving friends sat around the campfire and played poker and chatted.

"Ash, why don't you play a song?" – asked Bella.

"Yeah, you are always carrying that guitar with you, but we've never actually see you playing it." – agreed Lana.

"Ok, but I'm not very good at it" – and with that being said, Ashley went to pick up her guitar and started playing.

"_I looked away  
then I look back at you.  
If I had my way  
I'd never get over you,  
Today's the day  
I pray that we make it through._

Make it through the fall,  
Make it through it all.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you.  
I don't wanna talk about it  
'Cause I'm in love with you.

You're the only one  
I'd be with till the end.  
When I come undone  
you bring me back again.  
Back under the stars,  
Back into your arms." 

Ashley's voice started to fail, to become a whisper. She was staring at the campfire, lost in her own thoughts. The girls were very quiet. None of them noticed that little tears were running down Ashley's cheeks. The brunette stopped the cords of the guitar slowly with her hand, making it seem like the song was ending. Then she left the guitar on the floor next to her, stood up and walked away without saying a word.

After a moment, Spencer followed her, and like the girls knew they were best friends, they thought that she was going to see what had happened, without having any suspects about the two of them.

Spencer found Ashley sitting on a tree trunk, with her arms around her legs, and her head down. She quietly sat next to the brunette and put an arm over her shoulders. She waited patiently until Ashley finally raised her head. But she didn't look at Spencer, she just looked away.

"What is it?" – Spencer softly asked.

"I can't do this Spence…"

"Oh… ok." – The blonde pulled her arm away from Ashley's shoulders. They remained like that for a moment, Spencer thinking that she may have been misunderstanding her best friend's signs all that time.

"Spence… I'm not good enough for you…" – Ashley was crying really bad, and her words were difficult to comprehend.

"What?"

"I'm not…good enough for you" – she repeated. – "you are too much."

"What are you talking about, Ash?"

"Don't you… get it, Spence?" – Ashley continued, between all the sobbing.

"Get what?" – She asked, really lost on the conversation.

Ashley calmed herself a little bit before continuing. She wasn't sobbing anymore, but she hadn't stopped crying for a second. She hated so much to crying like that, and more so in front of Spencer, but she couldn't help it. She was feeling so powerless. She wasn't capable of turning around and facing Spencer.

"I won't make you happy, Spence." – Ashley whispered. – "I could try all my life, I would love to, but I can't do that to you"

"Do what Ashley? I'm trying really hard to understand, but you are not making any sense." – Spencer knew that Ashley needed some time to communicate, but her patience was reaching to a breaking point.

"It's just that… I wanna be the one that holds you in my arms through the hospital's doors if something ever happens to you, but I won't be strong enough. And I wanna be the one that holds your hand and walk with you in the park on Valentine's Day and kisses you, but people are going to laugh, and I wouldn't mind at all, but you would get hurt, and I can't let…"

"Stop" – Spencer said in a voice that wasn't possible to hear.

"that happen. And I wanna have the awkward meet the parent's dinner with you and them, but they would never have dinner with your girlfriend, because it's not a boyfriend."

"Stop it"

"And I wanna take you to prom and dance with you all night long, but everybody will talk, and I can't see you suffer like that."

"Ashley, shut up"

"And I wanna have a life with you, and ask you to marry me, but we probably can't do that in most states."

"Ash, please sto…"

"And I just know you would be the best mother in the whole damn world, and I won't be…" – Ashley couldn't really finish that sentence, because Spencer had knelt down in front of her and took Ashley's face in her hands to finally face her and be able to look at her teary eyes, and then she kissed the brunette softly.

After they broke apart, Spencer wiped Ashley's tears with her hands, stroking her cheeks tenderly.

"Would you shut up now?" – Spencer smiled while speaking. She was also holding back tears, but not for the same reasons as Ashley. Ashley's speech had been too corny, and now Spencer was kind of touched.

Ashley who a moment before wasn't able to look at Spencer, now couldn't stop looking at her. Spencer had really silenced her.

"I don't care. I don't care about anyone but us… but you, Ash. It's ok, you know? If you can't carry me to the E.R, you can call 911…" – she smiled – "if you can't kiss me on the park on Valentine's Day, we can kiss at our home. If people talk, we will ignore them. My parents will love you… just the way I do. I will dance with you at prom, and on our wedding day, because some day if you ask me, I'll marry you, no matter where. And if we can't have children, we can always adopt, and also…"

It was time for Ashley to stop Spencer's speech, and kiss her back.

After looking at each other's for what seemed to be an eternity, they finally went back to the campfire. Luckily, the girls were already sleeping on the tent.

Ashley sat next to Spencer, took her guitar, and once more, started playing, this time just for Spencer, staring at her like she was the only one in the world…

"_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
Far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Well, every moment spent with you  
Is a moment I treasure_

I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
And I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever"

**///Songs were "Fall to pieces – Avril Lavigne" and "I don't want to miss a thing – Aerosmith".**

**///This is kind of the end, except in case I had any ideas about them later, for example their travel at the end of school or something like that, but this is pretty much the end. Hope you have all liked it :) and thanks for sharing it with me. I'll be making the new story soon. :)**


End file.
